I'm not coping too well at the moment, best to start with the truth I suppose.
But at this moment I need to pee, so I shall return as soon as I have!
See, I wasnt that long!
I'm not as low as I have been in this last little while, this is one of my few up days, but I need out of here.
I cant live with my parents anymore, I just cant.
The council waiting lists are huge and I cant even get out of this area to another one as I have no family there. This morning my father came into my room with a first aid kit shouting that I was harming again, ok so I am, but he doesnt need to know that. Then came the great line:
'one day you will go too far and I will be accussed of manslughter!'
Followed by him telling me that my mum is to check my arms and legs now, whopee!
I have the Dr's tomorrow, well the nurse first and the Dr as an after thought. It is to get my wounds checked and things. I dont know what to say. I mean I am doing better now than I have been but its still not great, I recognise that now. But what do I say, 'oh I have been worse but I want you to help me now!'
In a way that makes sense because I am stable enough at the moment to vocalise the problems that I face when I'm so low, before I get that low again.
But I have an un-nerving thought that they wont take me seriously at this point because I'm not bad. Oh the thoughts.
The self harming thoughts are still there, pretty much constantly but I can handle them, I think?
I do have some very graphic urges but I dont know, well at least I dont think I will act on them.
I suppose I'm just plain old depressed just now. Delimbment!!
This still isnt helping me decide what to say tomorrow though...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment