Sweet Damnation.

I have, since I last updated, been in hospital.
Murray Royal Hospital to be exact. Yes you guessed it, it's the local nut house!

I had a choice in the matter though, I could go in voluntarily or she could get another Dr and I would be sectioned...

You see, I had admitted to my plans to do something potentially life threatening, suicide. Now that does not automatically mean death, it could be a very badly made plan leaving you feeling very ill and sorry for your self. But I have to admit, I was aiming for death, the sweet illusion of sleep. A sleep that is infinite and pure, a sleep that is undisturbed and restful. Death is a sweetness that brings this chimera to life.

Fall Alice fall, run Alice run.
Quick, catch that elusive white rabbit.

What is your white rabbit Alice, is it the white drugs they give you to knock you out. Or is it innocence and purity?

I was discharged as having a personality disorder, nothing new there, my personality has always been fucked up. Now I have a diagnonsense to put to it and medication to eliminate the extremes of my mood swings. Chlorpromazine. It knocks you out, but I think I am getting used to it as it does not seem to be having the same effect.

When I was in hospital my parents searched my room. They found things that they shouldn't have. They threw all my harming things out, blades, tablets, dressings even my blood soaked towel.
How must they have felt finding that. No matter, it will never be mentioned again, just a packet or razors left out on the counter to let me know that they know. How could they do that to me, how could they betray my trust and search my room?
I can't live here for much longer, I am getting worse living here.

Self destruction, thou art in thine grasp. Do not fear thy presence sweet despair, for unbeknown to thee, thy presence is known well to I.

I want to cut, deep enough to show the hurt inside, to get it out!
I want to cut to make me feel better, to stop the thoughts and voices in my head.
I need to cut to do this. I need to.

The Devils Path shall lead you where is shall wonder then straight into the damnation of Hell which we know as life and the life hereafter.